Alien Beer Bar

!!Beerboy1 Calling BeerboyMothership, Come in Mothership!!

Excuse me for the break in blog postings—I was accidently abducted by aliens!....Well, okay, maybe the abduction can’t really be called an accident. I guess that anyone who visits Troutlake, Washington to view their nightly UFO light shows can’t be surprised if they get abducted, can’t claim abduction was an ‘accident’.
It’s just that I thought I had the abduction/ not being able to post thing figured out. You see, my lap top has a wireless connection, so I thought that even on a spaceship that I’d be able to connect to my website and make a posting. That didn’t work out! Turns out that once you get several hundred miles off-planet that the ‘bars’ on your wireless connection disappear!
So, I’m back, and I suppose now you want details about my time being abducted and off with the aliens. Well, I hate to disappoint you all, but I don’t remember much. No, it’s not that the aliens used some super-hi tech stuff to erase my memory. Actually it has to do with the quite well stocked bar the aliens had on their ship.
Did I say bar? I should have said beer bar. It turns out that it is no accident that most UFO sightings in the USA are over the NW part. That includes the first major UFO sighting in the modern USA—that isn’t Roswell, but in Washington state, near Mt. Rainer. That incident birthed the term ‘flying saucer’. And what drew the ‘flying saucers’ to the Pacific NW? It turns out it was the local beer!
I do remember when I first landed on the UFO. On the landing dock was a giant glowing blue light. A loud speaker beneath the blue light announced that the mid-afternoon blue light special in the bar had begun.
There was no one in sight at the landing, just me and my lap top. I could, however, hear lots of humanoid noise and party sounds coming from down the hall. I made way toward the noises, and found the shipboard beer bar. The aliens were just getting finished stocking with local NW beer they had teleported onboard.
The alien bouncer at the door asked me, “Earthling, are you a registered Democrat or Republican?” Upon hearing a human was in their midst, all the other aliens turned their attention to me. I could see that some of the aliens had quietly moved their hands to the handles of their death rays. I sensed this was a sensitive moment in my life. How should I answer? I looked around for clues.
I got my answer by looking over the bar counter. Behind the bar were pics of 3 famous Earth politicians: Stalin, Jimmy Carter and Richard Nixon. The pics of Stalin and Carter were grouped together engulfed in a circle. The heading over the Stalin-Carter pic said ‘Welcome to Georgia’s 2 most famous politicians—Stalin and Jimmy Carter!’ Apparently Stalin and Carter had both been on this ship before me. But, were they both from Georgia? Then I remembered, oh yeah, Stalin had been born in that country the Soviets took over, that country called ‘Georgia’. Apparently the aliens had gotten the old Soviet bloc country and the USA southern state confused.
Anyway I noticed that this Stalin-Carter pic group had been turned into a dart board. And the Nixon pic? The alien artists had surrounded the pic with old Catholic religious art. So, I took a chance and guessed the aliens on this ship leaned toward the Republicans, and answered “Republican!”, flashing my best Richard Nixon ‘V’ for victory sign.
And that’s where my memory gets fuzzy. The aliens all responded by flashing me back with ‘V’ for victory signs, and the free micro brew pitchers started materializing before me. I vaguely remember having a really good time, and being told not worry about driving home, because the aliens would transport me and my car back to my place.
The friendliest of the aliens were the ones with red hair. The red haired ones turned out to be female. It turns out that Gillian Anderson of the X-Files is worshipped and adored by all alien women. In honor of Gillian the alien women all dye their hair red. I learned that off-world sales of X-Files DVD’s are far greater than the on-world sales.
Anyway, the Republican, red-haired alien women have invited me to a party next week. I don’t know when or where. The space babes said they’d abduct me once the party was all planned. I’ll try my best to stay somewhat sober and give more details about the alien ship other than the bar. Stay tuned!!