Hollywood Aliens

Beerboy1 Calling BeerboyMothership, Come In Mothership!!

Greetings Earthlings!! I’m up on the spaceship again, being ‘abducted’ by the friendly red-haired Republican alien women! The space babes picked me up on their way home to their underground base under Mt. St. Helens. They had been down in Hollywood, called to an emergency Association of Motion Pictures meeting.

One of the onboard kegs just went dry. So, while the space babes are loading another keg, I’ve got time to post. I’m using one of their computers, so I can transmit to Earth.

Yes, the space aliens have been part of the Hollywood community since the mid 1950’s. This came about after signing a contract for use of alien identities and properties with the Association of Motion Pictures—it turns out the aliens have lawyers, too.

After the well publicized Mt. Rainer and Roswell incidents Hollywood went nuts over the UFO thing making all those low budget movies. Well, even in outer space there are lawyers, lawyers with too much time on their hands, and expensive households to keep up.

Your average everyday Joe-Sixpack alien thought the ‘Things from Outer Space’ movies were great, and never thought how they could make money off them. But, those lawyers—no way!

So, the lawyers approached the United Nations and, guess what, they found out the UN had crooked lawyers, too! So the crooked UN lawyers and the crooked alien lawyers hatched a plan. They got the aliens classified as a non-voting, off-world ethnic block. Then the aliens approached the Hollywood elites, this was during the McCarthy Communist-Under-Every-Hollywood-Rock Scare. The aliens offered to derail McCarthy in exchange for getting a royalty from every movie using an alien theme. Ever wonder why McCarthy’s attack fell apart so fast and hard? It was because of alien sabotage!

You know how every Alaskan citizen gets money from the oil government? Well, that’s how it works for aliens, but it’s with money coming from the movies. As part of the contract aliens have to limit their contact with Earthlings. Hollywood wants to control the exposure Earth gets to aliens.

And that brings us back to why the space babes were in Hollywood before they picked me up. They had been asked to come down and vote on a proposed Obama plan. After the major disappointment of the new Johnny Depp movie, Public Enemies, the Obama people figured out they had to bailout out the movie industry. As part of the bailout it was suggested that every movie script had to be approved by Pixar. Pixar never makes a movie with an underdeveloped storyline. So, now, even directors like Michael Mann and Woody Allen will have to get their scripts approved by Pixar before they can get funding. Actually Woody Allen has been using alien script consultants for years.

The space babes just got the new keg going, so I’m going to have to stop. See you later!